A myriad of people come and go in our lives. Most we can choose – one benefit of adulthood there; some aren’t invited, but eventually we can decide to either include them in our sphere or pop them out of orbit. “Oh, excuse me with your gaslighting or backhanded compliments or your general lack of presence in a relationship one of us thinks is important……Blast off!! Buh-bye. Good riddance and thank you muchly.” That’s my general stance on it these days.

I believe the important thing to do when inviting “company” over to stay in life, is first to learn how to discriminate between individuals who are a positive force with value and those who drain our emotional resources or carry negative energy around wherever they go.

The positive people are usually pretty easily discernable from the negative after a few interactions as most of them are not adept at faking their true personalities for very long. Believe what they show you! (This is not to dismiss the monsters that deceive purposefully for their own sick kicks – they are out there.) Remember – actions will reveal true character and lip service is for the birds. Bullshit walks, right?

Think about the person or people that add the most quality to your life. Do they encourage healthy endeavors? Do they experience genuine happiness when you succeed? Are they honest? Do they make you smile? Do they bring comfort or provide any other sort of “nourishment” to your life, whether it be knowledge or other virtues you yourself might not possess? These are questions that should be contemplated before we ask our company to stay.

Remember, positive people are not just those who make you “feel good”. Someone could be making you feel great, but encouraging or enabling bad behaviors. They aren’t necessarily the ones who only say sweet and agreeable things to your face. Don’t confuse people that always make you feel warm and cuddly with friends who are invested in your well being. All my closest amigos – and I don’t mind divulging that I can count them on one hand – have no compunction about informing me when my head is wedged fully in my asshole or at the very least throwing some strong hints that I’m acting like a dumb bitch. Hey, sometimes we need to hear that information from a reliable outside source! And a person who has your best interests at heart will give you a heads up…or ask if you feel like yourself…or try to determine if there’s some undisclosed turmoil in life that’s making you act like an irascible twat.

The best example in my personal experience is a woman I’ve know for 20 years now. She has been an employer, a friend, and a second mother/sister at times when my life was in the fucking gutter. When my daughter was 6 (now 21), I was going through a divorce. There was $400 in my bank account and I have no local family AT ALL. Aside from the people I choose to accumulate in my life, I am quite honestly alone. This woman is the ONLY person that helped me when my marriage ended. She helped me move; she was already employing me; she gave me the name of a lawyer; she introduced me to another local business owner that hired me on for a second job when I needed it. We lugged one of those big ass 70’s TVs encased in a million pounds of fucking wood up two sets of rickety stairs to my new, tiny apartment. Serious friend love right there. What else? Oh, she adopted me during the holidays so I wouldn’t have to be sad and alone when my daughter was spending time with her father. She really stepped up in my life. I don’t know if she remembers all this, BUT I CERTAINLY DO AND WILL NEVER FORGET!

We have had disagreements at times, but that has never kept us from being friends. She takes real interest in the people around her. We can make each other laugh. And I know I could pick up the phone and call her if I was in a bind. She is that person. Yet we are two completely different personalities. That seems to be a great misconception lately – that friends must always agree and always get along every second, otherwise they must be toxic or hostile. Uh, NO! Two different people can be just that….two different people. We’re not robots, folks.

Well, it’s dinner time and I’m out of gas. Positive in; negative out.

Bye, friends!

Ms. Snow