It’s May 3rd. The day is drab and grey. The house is quiet. Two cups of coffee have been lackadaisically consumed in an effort to get the morning juices of inspiration going. Good enough.

The very first thought that springs to mind is, “I should have written a rough draft last night.”. Oops. Well, that was the first lesson of the day – some of my old habits are actually very useful habits. Rule #1 in May project – don’t just wing it! Some people are good at winging it; hell there are damn experts out there who are both adept and comfortable just flying by the seat of their pants. That is not me. I require a plan of attack, a plan for socializing, a plan for exercising, etc. Orderly environments are where I work and thrive the best. Busy is fine. Busy I can handle. As soon as circumstances become hectic….my adaptation skills start out strong, but it becomes draining very quickly. Muffins! I’m already off the rails here. See! This is why I should have written a rough draft last night instead of watching the Travel channel and staring at Instagram. Confession: I get lazy at night. Like, bad.

The May Project – born from the epiphany that although the days are full of tasks and a steady routine, nothing is actually being accomplished in the long term. Do you know what I mean, friends? Yes, I go to work. Yes, the kitchen gets cleaned. Yes, the meals get made and the laundry is done. Yes, I have a semi-stable work-out schedule. Sometimes I read. Sometimes I write. The timing on those lately is a bit jenky. Is anything getting DONE though? No. Because there has been no long term goal established in my life for a long time now. It’s an amazing, depressing, and sobering moment when the realization hits that living and existing are not the same thing. I haven’t developed an interest in any new hobbies for YEARS. Sure, I get pretty amped up to try different restaurants and that’s as far as it gets.

The very first thing I decided was that my time management skills in my personal life could be better – work is work. When I’m at work, I know exactly what I’m doing and what I’m after for the duration of my shift. Plus, I’m accountable to someone else to do my job properly, which I enjoy in a strange sort of way. Let’s not mince words, I absolutely love going into work and fucking crushing it. I like working.

There are a multitude of articles on the interwebs pertaining to time management. Many of them were directed towards the work environment, however, so I muddled through and picked out a couple useful nuggets from articles about goal setting and such. One that seemed relevant right away was realistic goal setting. The second was having specific priorities everyday. Okay. That doesn’t sound too difficult, right? Let’s do it.

My first goal is physical…..I find that is the easiest aspect of my life to control so that was immediately my jump off point. Let’s just put all the sticky, sugar coated cards on the table. I like exercising, but am what you would call a “lazy athlete”. In the past, I have run group exercise classes, was a personal trainer, spent a healthy amount of time at the local boxing gym, went on a hike every weekend (weather permitting), and ran the occasional 5k. An army vet named Randy once asked me if I was ex-military (I am not!) and it was one of the biggest compliments of my life. Part of the May project is not so much about getting as hard core as I used to be, but bringing back some of the damn discipline that I was able to hone when I was younger. I am determined not to use age as an excuse to be a sloth…..even though 41 year old me would get beat down by 31 year old me……easily. The actual attainable goal for May for my physical self? Shave off 5lbs and get my core tight again. Not too bad right? I even am doing the obligatory before and after bikini pics that will be posted at the end of the month. The worst part about this is that it involves diet. Oh, sugar and salt, you are my favorite whores……terrible, delicious, all-you-can-eat bitches. That’s ok! I have a grocery list and have already begun the no sugar endeavor. It’s not bad so far. It’s never bad the first week or two because the sense of doing something positive is so overwhelming. Oh no, it’s day 17 you gotta be scared of. Then – the real test. Also, I still have my coffee. Coffee is my companion. Coffee will take care of me. Physical goal – out of the way. Here we go.

What next? Mental fulfillment. This is where my much neglected reading, writing, and hobby experiences come into play. My answer for this to begin with is to make a simple priority list for every day. Nothing grand. For example, today’s 1, 2, 3 is writing, cleaning, and exercise in that order and I have allotted a certain amount of time to do each. Not too hard, right? Well, again, we will see how things are going on day 17 when watching the paranormal crap on TV sounds like a winning idea instead of expanding my mind. May mental goals – read for half an hour every single day; complete Winter of the Viros on this blog; find a new hobby.

The first two are fairly specific. Reading, I love, so that shouldn’t be too taxing. It’s just the simple challenge for me to relax and not feel guilty that I’m not doing a chore. The “Viros” is a book I wrote and had copyrighted years ago. It sits in my office, on paper and on a flash drive. It’s been tweaked many times over the years and submitted many more times. Here’s the thing with the literary world though….they are fickle as hell. So I did the wrong thing, the easy thing, the shithead thing – I quit. Then I started avoiding my writing altogether – the ONE thing I found that I could do pretty well at a young age. The way I express myself best was left on the side of life’s highway like a pile of trash. And I used to be that kid with a thousand notebooks, all full, front and back of every page, just happy and going for it because I fucking loved it. I love creating. I love making. Then the incredible elation that comes when someone else reads it, enjoys it, says that it’s good and to keep doing it. I even enjoyed criticism – because it made me better. What the hell actually happens to us when we become adults, friends? It’s sick, whatever it is. My mother has said in the past that I am an underachiever and that is why I avoid my talents and things at which I excel. She might be right, but Marie can still screw off.

Like I said, the first two mental goals are not that difficult to pin down – read more and finish the novel I wrote here on the blog. Skip over to the “Winter of the Viros” page later in the week if you are inclined; it would be a personal favor and fun for you, too, if you enjoy a fantasy story with swords and vampires and things. The third goal is a little murky. Find a new hobby. I am admittedly still at a loss for this one. I don’t know what the fuck I want to try! It would liven up my world experience though and I am aware that part of my problem with mustering inspiration is the atrocious boredom level going on. We will cover this one later on in the month after more thought has been put into it. All of May is ahead of us right???

If you have any hobby suggestions, friends, please feel free to sound off. Help is always appreciated when it is done in good faith. Until next time,

❤ Ms. Snow